Tuesday, September 6, 2016

  Ahh, the smell of nostalgia, emanating from an NES is the ecstacy to many old-school gamers. Many grew up on games like Mario, The Legend of Zelda, Metroid, and in my case, Megaman.
I played through it all the way up to Mega man ZX Advent, and when nothing came from its ashes, all wept in sorrow for the loss of a great series. I, like many, became depressed at the tragedy; we all prayed for the beloved blue bombers’ return. Then, there was a glimmer of hope. News had spread on the Internet of a savior, a successor, by the name of Mighty No. 9. When we heard of this, our hearts were a flutter with joy, and everyone starting pouring their money into its Kickstarter campaign in order to make this dream a reality, but little did we know that we were unleashing an abomination upon the gaming empire. We were hoping for a god, but instead we got a god-awful piece of junk .
     Ok, enough stalling; it’s time to review Mighty No. 9 and prove how the mighty have fallen. Where do I begin...Oh I know, how about with the many, many delays. Although to be fair, many good game titles have delays, but none have been delayed for TWO YEARS!!! Although that happened many stayed strong and faithful, thinking that the reason they were delaying it was because they wanted it to be a perfect masterpiece. Then we were aroused when we heard that they were going to release all versions of the game to all of the consoles...all on ONE DAY! It was obvious they were trying to keep our interest, and when they failed to do that, it was obvious that they weren’t trying. This piece of crap came out on the Wii U, XBOX ONE, PS4, and PC, to name a few, and each one has its fair share of problems. Let’s start with the most known first, the Wii U, which has framerate issues, long load times, crashing after 5 to 10 minutes of playtime, and in worst instances, “bricking” the console, or making it crash and make it as useful as a brick, but do you know how many games aside from Mighty No. 9 crash on the Wii U? Take a guess, you’ll never get it. NONE. Why is Mighty No. 9 the only exception? As for the PC version, we have extreme lag, long load times, frame glitches, character model distortion, sections of the stages flickering in and out of existence, and sprite flickering. The main reason for this is the fact that the people who coded the game used an outdated coding software which hadn’t received any updates, and they had to handcode parts of the levels. Just one thing goes through my mind when I see this: how can you be this stupid? The Xbox one and Ps4 versions seem to have minimal problems aside from graphical hiccups here and there. But even knowing that, I am willing to put that off the table and say that you can’t judge a book by its cover.

    Let’s talk about the game’s plot, levels, mechanics, bosses , and personality. The game starts off with our main character, Beck overlooking the destruction of the city caused by malfunctioning robots, and goes to find Dr. William White, his creator who was caught up in the destruction. Afterwards, Beck goes on a mission to find the other Mighty Numbers and cure them of the virus. How does he cure them you ask? By shooting them until they glow and then dashing into them. Here’s the major problem with that, certain bosses have insta-kill attacks(*Cough Pyrogen) or in Mighty No. 6: Aviator’s case, small battle platforms with a bottomless pit surrounding it, and if you don’t dash into them, they start to regenerate health, basically negating the progress you’ve made against them, and it doesn’t help matters that each level seems to have an annoying part to the stage that makes it almost impossible to play. A couple bad examples of this includes Mighty No. 4: Seismics “auto-scroll section with a giant drill of instant death slowly chasing you” segment, or Mighty No. 3: Dynatrons “Electric energy turbine maze of instant death which you have to navigate carefully.” Once you cure all your “siblings” you find out that “Trinity” the prototype of you is the cause of all this destruction, and you have to go cure her, which results in you beating the game. This game feels like a game designed for speed-runners instead the classic megaman player. This entire game feels like it was a rush job-- like they just were tired of hearing Megaman fans complain, so they decided to shortchange us by giving us a useless piece of garbage, but that’s not to say this game doesn’t have its uses. For instance, the game case works great as a drink coaster, and the disk works as both a fishing weight and a frisbee. This is Bryant Spears and this has been Foul Friday’s review of Mighty No. 9, which isn’t mighty, it’s just a pathetic excuse for a Megaman successor.    
 --Bryant Spears

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